Hello, Goodbye .

my music at work -the tragically hip
bloody hot with a bout of hyperactive allergies and a swelling eye

the whole 'life is too short' cliche may be overused to the point of having become meaningless, but once in a while, something nips you in the ass to remind you of the resounding truth behind the simple -though oftentimes arcane- phrase.

sheenum just returned from delhi bearing the burden of trauma and loss. early in the morning on boxing day, pankaj passed away after being asphyxiated while asleep. his laptop short-circuited and his mattress caught on fire. pankaj was the epitome of vivacity. i only met him a couple of times but he's a hard character to forget. his crazy driving and road rage, his bat in the boot, his long hair and his hat, his wacky -but talented- guitar playing, his laid-back humor, his white socks and battered nike shoes which he gave away on the street to some random dude. it wasn't his time. at least not to the naked eye, but he was taken, for some reason unknown and now he's gone and will be missed by many.

a few days later, sheenum's friend, megna, a beautiful young thing, was in a horrific car accident on the noida highway. the driver died, megna lost an eye and her face was smashed beyond recognition and the other people in the car were also injured severely. thank God she's alive and well, but her life won't ever be the same. everything shifted in a turn of the steering wheel.

i can't imagine what sheenum's going through. but im sure it must be as close to hell as one can imagine here on earth. tragedy makes us see our true vulnerability but it can also make us frightened of life.

in comparison, what im about to say next seems extremely hollow. but it is linked.

too often, we forget to live while we're alive. we forget to appreciate the people we love and the opportunities that we're presented with. we forget to thank God every morning for the gift that we have, our breath, our existence, our chance.

this year, as ive said before, is a going to be a year of self-discovery, of self-love. and things just keep happening and popping up and confirming that i really need to remember that, hold on to that.

ive decided to quit my job here. im done. it's been terrific but im done. my last day is friday, the 12th.

after that, i am gonna pursue my aim. im gonna take korean lessons (so i can finally learn to read and write.. i really am a sad excuse for a korean!) and driving lessons (i think singapore roads will be easier to stomach after the india fiasco) and kick-boxing/yoga lessons at california (it's time to get fit, get strong and get rid of my insecurities).

there's so much disaster all around us (hell, just turn on the news and witness the madrid bombing, the saddam hanging, the tornado that wrecked the lives of hundreds in the US and you'll see the bigger picture). i guess there's no point dwelling on fact. it's all about moving forward and moving upward and finding peace in whatever we can.